I was on the phone with a business acquaintance turned friend discussing all of the changes I’ve encountered in life recently. I’ve been pretty forthright about getting laid off, losing my best friend, and being incredibly lost to this new life. I’d always been defined by what I did. I’ve always worked in an industry where your work was your life and your life was your work. I’d adjusted my tolerance to fit that lifestyle.

I’d accepted that I would work Monday through Friday and Saturday.

I’d accepted that in order to work in that industry I had to sacrifice my family and personal life.

I’d also accepted that I was never going to be back on stage.

I’d accepted that I was probably only going to have this one very close friend and that I wasn’t made to be a person with a community.

I’d accepted that I was always going to have to work outside of the home in order to support my family.

I didn’t believe that blogging would bring me any kind of personal success or exposure.

I’d accepted that I’d always be working FOR someone.

I can’t even tell you why I’d accepted those things. I suppose it was because as a young couple with small children you come to realize that you have to accept the hand that you’re dealt. Right? We all have bills to pay and mouths to feed.

It’s actually kind of crazy to think that now- looking back. But that’s exactly what I thought. I have to work these hours in this industry because this is the industry I know and these are the hours required.

I realize now that I tolerated SO much JUNK.

Not just in the workplace. Yes that was the majority of it.. but in life in general!

I let people say hurtful things to me. And didn’t do anything about it. Except say. Ouch that hurts.

I let life exhaust me. Until I had given every good part of me to the world that I had nothing left for my children.

I let my Supervisor speak down to me. So as not to cause a war.

I stopped singing. Because I thought it provided no value to my adult life.

I have no one to blame but myself. I thought I was making adult choices. I thought that I was being kind by not creating a confrontation. I thought that tolerating that work schedule made me seem strong and valuable.

And then it all crashed!

So as I was talking on the phone to this friend, I said something out loud that I hadn’t already processed in my head and heart.

“I feel like I’m readjusting my tolerance.”

 

I’ve learned a few things through all of this. I’m a different person.

 

I now know what I’m willing to accept in a friendship.

I now know what kind of friendship I give.

I see now that I should have made waves sooner and often.

I should have walked into an office and said. No, I won’t work 60 hours this week. My children need me.

I should have pointed out the blatant errors and lies my Supervisor was making and telling. Instead of accepting the brunt of the mistakes.

I should have shut the door to my heart when it was being hurt repeatedly. Faster.

I should have recognized that singing feeds my soul.

I should have left work at work and plugged into home.

I should have said I’m worth more! Stop devaluing my skills.

I should have trusted myself.

So here I am now. I received a quick message via Facebook from a wedding vendor friend who reached out to say “I’m a little envious.” He was referring to my adventures. He was envious that I was throwing caution to the wind and just grabbing hold of something that I loved.

 

But the thing is, I’m not doing anything special. I’m not drinking some kind of blue juice. There is no secret sauce.

 

What I did do though… I stopped being afraid.

I stopped obsessing over how to smooth over my rough edges.

I started speaking authentically with the people around me.

I’m loud and theatrical and bold and intimidating and wild and stupid and silly. I’ve stopped hiding it.

I’ve started to realize that I know things that help people.

I’ve written things that are vulnerable and scary to put on the internet. And while it was hard… I didn’t look back.

I’ve published articles that I’m sure have upset my old friend. Because they are about our breakdown. But they were honest and helpful… and the right thing to do.

I started singing. I leave rehearsals feeling energized and alive inside. Because I was born to sing.

 

I’ve readjusted my tolerance by saying goodbye to FEAR.

 

Listen, no one tells you to tolerate being unhappy. There is literally NOTHING in the way of your happiness… BUT YOU!

Don’t get me wrong. Please don’t run out and quit your job right this second because I’ve inspired you. Especially if it’s going to hurt your family.

Demolishing fear is a process.

It can happen faster when the giant band-aid of life rips off of you like mine did. Because you’re forced to. OR… you can hunt for it.

Stand up and say something you need to say to your boss today.

Tell the person at work that makes you feel bad about yourself to SHUT UP.

Go do something TONIGHT that makes you feel fantastic.

Put boundaries in place for your own health and mental well being.

Protect your heart from the people who are hurting you.

Surround yourself with people you LOVE being around and make you laugh!

Apply for that perfect job you’re sure you won’t get!

You don’t have to tolerate those things any longer. Readjust your tolerance for the things that you’re just totally sick of and see what happens. See if your joy and zeal for life returns. See if your big kid panties feel good.

Seriously, don’t accept that crap in your life anymore.

 

What happened when I did that?

I realized that I’ve neglected people that have been friends for years. I was sure I had my forever friend and I didn’t need these other friendships. But these old friends know me, they get me, they know where I came from, and they know the words of my heart.

I am living boldly. I’m saying and doing things for my business I would have talked myself out of before today. Because I have nothing to fear.

I’m meeting new people with an open heart.

I’m more mentally, emotionally, and physically available for my children.

I love the people who are supporting me even harder than I did before.

I’m moving forward with gusto.

 

I don’t know where this journey will take me. I don’t know who will be in my life to share it with me. All of the plans I’d created in my head of what life would be like are gone. I’m stepping out without fear. I’m living authentically. It’s scary. And there are days where fear creeps in and I have to blow torch it out the door again. But I know one thing. I’m never going to tolerate the same things again. I’m never going to live life in fear again. And you shouldn’t either.

#sonottogether

What will you do today to re-adjust your tolerance? What are you going to say- I’m not Going to Take This Anymore to?