Sorry! I’m going to start this blog post! Sorry!

Annoying, right?

The other day I sent a very bold email to an old high school classmate. He’s working on a new project and my skills are a fit for his project. We haven’t spoken since our 10 year high school reunion. It was risky. But I didn’t care. I knew exactly what I was talking about and I knew that I was speaking truthfully about how my knowledge of the event industry could help him. I laid out bullet points of areas where they needed improvement and how I can assist. It was well thought out and I don’t regret doing it. As I was about to close this pitch, I started to write. I’m sorry this is so long and to bother you. I looked at what I had just written and thought… WHAT AM I APOLOGIZING FOR?

Backspace, Backspace, Backspace,

Thank you for your consideration. Send.

It made me start thinking… geez I apologize too much. What in the world was I apologizing for? Sending an email? But really think about it. How many times a day do you apologize?

Sorry for bothering you but…

Sorry this issue came up…

Sorry to interrupt…

Sorry to require your time…

Sorry my house is a mess…

Sorry to say this…

Sorry I don’t have dinner ready…

Sorry I’m not feeling sexy today…

Our apology enters before us. We don’t even allow ourselves the option of entering the room or the conversation in a confident manner. We’ve already told the person we’re speaking to that we’re not equal to them or as important. I admit wrong doing even when I didn’t do anything wrong.

We even do this when we’re not the offender. Let’s talk about how many times we apologize even if we were the one that was wronged.

I’m sorry I was hurt by your behavior…

Sorry I was standing there when you knocked me over…

Sorry I don’t agree with you…

Someone bumped into you. You’re better at something than someone else so you spend the whole time apologizing or downplaying your successes. We even apologize for having a different opinion or life view than the person we’re talking to.

We apologize when we don’t need to and hold back an apology that’s sorely needed.

When we do this, we diminish our value. We say that our interjection is not worthwhile. Or that we’re bad for not having dinner on the table. It’s less about being sorry and more about feeling as if we’ve failed our own expectations for ourselves. We don’t want other people to think we’re not perfect. So if we apologize first…. then we seem at least a little less of a failure. And honestly, we should all really stop!

But How?

Change Your Mindset

You are not failing every single second of every single day! No one means to be annoying. [Well most people!] No one bumps into someone on purpose. You don’t interrupt unless you have to. You are not doing anything wrong. You don’t have to step over yourself all the time.

Say Thank You

Dinner isn’t on the table so your husband steps in to help. You apologize profusely. Expecting him to be bothered by your failure. But how about instead of saying “I’m so sorry dinner isn’t ready.” Say! Thank you so much for helping me with dinner. How about instead of apologizing when you scoot past someone say excuse me – thank you!

Draw The Line

STOP RIGHT NOW! Stop apologizing for things you didn’t do. If someone hurt you. Don’t apologize for being hurt. If you disagree say, “I respectfully disagree.” This doesn’t make you a terrible human. It makes you a person who loves themselves as much as they love others.

Embrace Your Imperfections

You are not going to be perfect. You’re going to need help at an awkward time. You’re not going to have that one piece of laundry done when your husband or child needs it. That’s just the law of nature. You have nothing to apologize for. You’re doing your best. Accept that and don’t allow yourself to feel as if you’re inconveniencing everyone.

Stand Confident In Your Value

Your words and thoughts are valuable. Your contributions are worthwhile. You don’t need to apologize for having an opinion. Present yourself confidently and say what you need to say. Don’t be afraid of your own strength.

Laugh at Yourself 

Sometimes we do mess up. I’ve bumped into more than one person at the grocery store. I’ve mis-stepped more times than I can count. Yes, sometimes you should apologize. Especially if you’re the offender. But don’t take it on as a mark to your character. You’re better than that. Learning how to laugh at yourself will free you from so much guilt you’ll feel lighter every time.

#sonottogether

Do you say Sorry too much? Do you catch yourself doing it? How are you going to stop?