I was at Target a few weeks ago in the cleaning supplies section. I had been going back and forth between two aisles looking a specific kind of soap for the all natural cleaning supplies post. I couldn’t find what I was looking for. That’s when these two women entered the next aisle over and were chatting rather loudly. They were looking at all of the froo froo cleaning supplies when one of the ladies says in –what I heard as total exasperation
“I Just Want to Be Adorable and Domestic!”
After I got done simultaneously laughing and throwing up in my mouth I got out my phone to text a friend… You are NOT going to believe what I just heard in Target. She laughed and shook her head with me via text and replied. “You have GOT to write about this.”
We all speak for ourselves, I know, but it begs you to wonder… is this really what modern day women want? Is that what we’re measuring our value against?
I totally get it. Like I get it all the way to the core of my being. Don’t we struggle with this thought every single minute of every single day? How to make the house look perfect. How to make ourselves and our children and our lives look adorable. How to be adorable while also being domestic? I mean that is what the media will tell you.
I recently watched a commercial for a new vacuum system you install in the baseboards of your kitchen cabinets. It was a super cool do hickey. But I was so distracted by the 50’s looking woman in the dress and polka dotted high heel shoes sweeping her kitchen floor that I literally could not enjoy the product. I mean when was the last time you swept your kitchen floor in high heels… like NEVER! The other woman in the commercial was in pants… but she had a pair of sky high boots on. Again. So unrealistic.
Now don’t get me wrong. People in commercials need to have clothes on. But someone could take like one second and think… what do real women wear while sweeping their kitchens. If it’s not sweats or no pants at all… it’s likely a pair of leggings or jeans and flats. Because we’re REAL LIFE people. Seriously… no one sweeps their kitchen in a dress and heels… NO ONE!
I don’t think ANYONE is or can be adorable and domestic in the way that people think they should be. It just doesn’t exist. Because we have brains. And we know to take our heels off before sweeping the floor.
So does anyone else see the other major problem with this?
Oh my friend, Courtney, she’s just so adorable and domestic. Awesome. That is THE WORST way to be described. I just described the way she looks and the status of her home. Wow! I just completely skipped over everything of value about my friend. Yeah she might be adorable. She might have the mostly orderly home I’ve ever seen. But she’s also a loving human. She’s career focused. She is incredibly kind. She is a wife and a mother and a daughter and a friend. She is so much more than the way she looks and how clean her house is.
SO AM I and SO ARE YOU!
So if my daily life is writing my legacy please for all that is right in the world… please NEVER describe me as adorable and domestic. I hope I’ve shown you so much more about who I am. I don’t want to be described in this way. There are so many other words I’d rather people said about me.
If someone had to describe you in a few words… what would they say? I’d rather be called:
Bold and Brave
Loud and Proud
Short and Spunky
Kind and Loving
Fat and Happy
Loved and Cherised
Seeker and Finder
Messy and Fulfilled
Flawed and Faithful
Awesome and Creative
Super Sexy (my husbands addition)
Anything… Even the bad things. Anything but adorable or domestic.
Because what those words say is that you know nothing more about me than what you see on the outside of my life. It also means I haven’t touched you more deeply.
When I used to perform regularly in the church setting, the services would end and people would begin filtering out. I received many compliments on that morning’s performance. “You have such a lovely voice.” “I love watching you perform.” “What an amazing gift.” Etc. When I was a teenager these remarks fueled my confidence but as an adult they had the opposite effect. They disappointed me.
I wanted someone to walk up and say “I enjoyed your song. How did Bryan do at his soccer game this week?” I wanted people to know something else about me. Anything! Talk to me about everyday life. Ask about my struggles. KNOW SOMETHING MORE!
Yes, it’s great to be acknowledged for the things you do well. I’m sure beautiful people like to be told they’re beautiful. SOMETIMES. But I’m sure that they’d also like to be known for something other than beauty.
Do you find yourself describing someone as nothing more than their outward qualities? I challenge you to go deeper with the people in your life. Don’t accept just knowing something outward about them. Look for the qualities beyond adorable and domestic.
Are you striving to be adorable and domestic… then STOP IT! You are running a rat race that can never be won. I promise you… your house is going to get messy again. It’s a fact! You’re still going to wake up with morning hair. Another fact. You’re also going to exhaust yourself in the process.
What are the words you want the people who know you to use to describe you? Seriously think about it.
What would you rather be called?
I’d love to hear! Share it in the comments.
Are you in a place in life where you just want to live authentically. Are you looking for other people who think and feel the way you do about living a real and truthful life. Please join our movement! We’d love to have you. We’re a group of people who are willing to share our real life struggles, failure, and rejoice in successes. Join Us!
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13 Comments
Personally, I have no problem with women who want to be “adorable and domestic.” And I have no problem with women who want to be bold and brave. Your lifestyle is up to you! Anyone who achieves the life they want, is a great person, man or woman, in my book. And that’s the joy of the modern world we live in! She can be adorable and domestic and you can be whatever you want to be and I can be whatever I want to be!
I honestly think the best thing for women is that we have to support other women, no matter what their dreams and goals are!
I think one downside of modern feminism is that women are looked down upon if what they desire in life is to be a stay at home mom, or any type of woman who is not guns blazing and ready to bring down the patriarchy. Why can’t we just encourage and support women to live their own lives, instead of attacking them and calling their lives choices or needs shallow? Why does it matter to anyone else but her if she wants to be “adorable and domestic?”
Thank you so much for your comment. I appreciate your thoughts. Really. I think the difference in what I heard was her exasperation. She was dismayed that she wasn’t going to be adorable and domestic. She was clearly struggling with the idea that despite her best efforts she wasn’t going to be. What the post begs for is a deeper description of a person. A broader understanding of women beyond our looks and the cleanliness of our homes. If adorable and domestic are your goals as a woman then more power to you but for me… I want to be so much more.
The author already replied herself, but I definitely felt like this was an expression not of “ew traditional feminine roles, gross” but of “adorable and domestic are only two words – people are more complex and should be recognized as such.”
We should value women in all their roles, including a traditional stay-at-home parent/homemaker, etc., but we should also understand that filling this role is not necessarily going to take the form of “adorable” (despite what advertising seems to imply), and doesn’t have to be limited to “adorable.” Maybe then we’d all be a little less frustrated. 🙂
YES to short and spunky! haha. I’ve gotten short and sarcastic, but not spunky yet.
Alix | http://www.apintsizedlife.com
Yes to bold and brave! I think that some do want to be adorable and domestic, but other’s don’t. It’s wonderful to know that we can be either, or all!
We’re all so multi-dimensional and get too stuck on labels at times. I like Flawed and Faithful 😉
First off I love your colour scheme! Secondly I loved “Messy and Fulfilled” because I think that might be me. Not messy like doesn’t do the dishes, but messy in the sense of life being messy and complicated and ever changing and multifaceted. I like messy and I think it leads to fulfillment!
Agree completely!
Some women just have the gift of being a homemaker, me personally, I don’t. I think we associate being “domesticated and adorable” as a fake Stepford Wives status, but I think you can be very real or messy while still being domesticated and adorable.
We’re supposed to sweep? LOL, JK….I don’t worry about what to wear while sweeping because I make the kids do it 😀
Seriously, I only try to look adorable if I’m leaving the house, and even then it’s iffy. In fact, I’m *trying* to stop wearing makeup all the time, to be comfortable with myself, as is.
It is so funny because I find that I love love love cleaning house. It is odd really but it is how I think. Considering that I love it you would think that the house is a spotless gem but it is a wreck. This is because I am busy running our blogs and doing WP support etc.
So I can’t relate to these women at all. If someone was going to call me something I would choose: Caring, Provocative, Fierce…..
I laughed when I read this, because I could totally see my girlfriend and I saying something like that and meaning it in a completely tongue in cheek way. For example, our text conversation from Saturday. She had gone paddleboarding with a friend:
Me: “We ran errands in between Finn’s (my dog) strict medication schedule. Co-Op. Lowe’s. Target. Trader Joe’s. Benson’s Pet Center. Then came home for more medicine. Then to my mom’s to help her throw out her old carpet.”
Her: “That’s a very adult day.”
Me: “SO ADULT. I needed Ben and Jerry’s for dessert to counter it.”