5.1 Million children ages 4-17 have been diagnosed with ADHD according to the National Survey of Children’s Health (NSCH).

I birthed one of them.

I don’t like that my child is included in one of those statistics. I often even hate using those 4 letters together. Those letters come with preconceived attitudes about my child, judgement about my parenting, opinions on my medical decisions, and a litany of other letters and numbers that go along with those four letters. IEP, 504, 2E, ADHD-PI, OT, PSYCH, BT, etc. etc. etc. Raising a kid with ADHD requires a doctorate in neurological studies, a masters in Special Education, a bachelors in patience, and a diploma in ingenuity. Parents attempting to raise successful children in spite of ADHD struggle daily to do what’s best for their child. Most of them, like me, will not let those 4 letters define their children, their opportunities, or the perception people have of him. And that is why in my house ADHD is SO NOT winning!

Here’s Why:

I’m a Research Ninja:

My son was in first grade when his teacher started using the term ADD. He didn’t want to sit in his chair, he required a lot of redirection, he couldn’t focus on the task at hand for more than a few seconds. At home we had noticed a few things that seemed like developmental delays. He had difficulties writing, he was slow to adapt to eating with cutlery of any kind, he couldn’t zip his coat, had no interest or ability to tie his shoes, and even some emotional immaturity. We went through the proper tests and doctor visits to receive our diagnosis ADHD-PI. (PI stands for Predominantly Inattentive- this means he has the attention parts of the disorder but not the hyperactive). Reading the diagnosis, I cried. It was hard accepting that my child had a special need. But then I got to work.

I read everything I could find about ADHD. I looked even harder for information about ADHD-PI. I learned what behaviors were symptoms of the disorder. I looked into treatment options. I reached out to other moms who had children with special needs. I basically began a campaign for my child. I gathered enough information to be dangerous. And I haven’t stopped.

NEVER STOP! Never stop learning about ADHD. As new studies and approaches become known the more you’ll be able to help your child. Knowledge is power.

I Questioned Everything:

With diagnosis in hand, we took our son back to our family doctor to discuss the next step. I spent a good amount of time preparing a document of areas where I felt he struggled and how they lined up with my research. In less than 20 minutes and without even looking at my document our doctor had us out the door with a prescription in hand for some kind of ADHD medication. I didn’t know what it was. She didn’t explain it. She didn’t offer any explanation of what I should expect. It was a piece of paper and nothing more. I went home and started researching again. I read everything I could about psychotropic medication.

I never filled those prescriptions. I couldn’t understand why I would add a brain altering drug to my 6 year old’s chemical makeup. I also couldn’t understand why it was so easy for them to write on a piece of paper that my child should receive a medication that had such a powerful affect on his growth and mental well being.

We were offered no other support. We weren’t given a referral to a therapist or a tools for which we can best help our child. Not even a brochure. It was medication or nothing. This was the way we were to “fix” this disorder.

• Today we use Fish Oil and Melatonin as natural means of assisting with brain functioning. We also use an essential oil for attention called Vetiver either on the back of his neck or in the bend of his hand between his thumb and pointer finger. For what we see as anxiety we also use Valerian Root occasionally. Also, check your little one’s hands…. if their nails have white lines this is likely a Zinc deficiency. Low levels of Zinc can lead to issues with attentiveness and focus. My son has them on all of his nails! So we started taking Zinc as a result!
• A few helpful tips in the case your kid isn’t pill ready yet. Barlean’s Omega Swirl Fish Oil is like a melted creamsicle. It’s a liquid fish oil that we used when my son was pre-pill taking. He loved it and never complained about taking it!Also, it’s fairly hard to find so keep that in mind. GNC offers a chewable Melatonin as well. Next, caffeine oddly works in the same way as a lot of adhd medication. So we started by using the International Brand coffee that taste more like hot chocolate or french vanilla. Today he drinks a cup of coffee with us in the morning. And we can tell the difference when he doesn’t have one… just like me.

NEVER STOP! Never stop questioning what the doctors say! Never stop looking for options for treatment for your kid! Make a thousand phone calls if that’s what it takes to find the doctor who will meet your needs and listen! Don’t accept No for an answer if you feel deep down Yes is what they should be saying. Do it soon too! Many doctors and therapists want to work with a child in the early stages of diagnosis when they feel they are the most easily influenced.

I Fought:

Integrating a diagnosis into the brick and mortar school and other programs your child is involved in is an excruciatingly difficult process. First the school denies, program and sport leaders don’t understand, teachers are annoyed, and it’s even worse if you have made any alternative decisions for your child (like not medicating). As the parent, all you really want is to get help for your child. I used to write an exceedingly long letter to my child’s teacher about his special needs. What to expect from him. What areas he struggles. I used to ask them to please inform me when he ran out of pencils because we would get more and not to stress over pencils. Every year no doubt there was always some issue about how he can’t stay organized and he never has pencils!! WE KNOW! We told you he would have that problem! Schools do not WANT to have to provide services for your child. I might get some backlash from this but I know I’m not only one that has experienced push back from the school system about providing services. It took years, tears, and all of my patience. We even forced a therapist to meet with us on the day after school to write a 504 for our child so that we could then pull him into a school for special needs children. It will take all of your ingenuity to create a path of discussion for your child with the school and other adult leaders. You are your child’s ONLY advocate. Let me say that again…. NO ONE ELSE IS FIGHTING FOR YOUR CHILD BUT YOU!

• In our years fighting the system, we were introduced to the Wright’s Law program. We attended a conference to learn about the laws schools must adhere to. It’s a lot of information to swallow but it’s an invaluable resource for parents who need to understand what the school is required to offer your special needs child. Even if you don’t dig in and read these books cover to cover just bring them with you to your IEP meetings and set them on top of your pile of papers! That should make a point too!
• As a result of our failed experience with the public school system we now home school our 13 year old son.

NEVER STOP! Never stop revising an IEP that is not working. Never stop holding your child’s leaders accountable for what is required by law. Educate the people around you about their needs and behaviors. Work with other moms and advocates to increase awareness. Ask for the modification you believe are needed for your child. Follow up to see how you can help the adults in your child’s life be better understanding of his needs.

I Changed:

Living with a child with ADHD is not easy. The other day I found a full juice pitcher from the refrigerator in the pantry. He creates disasters everywhere he goes. I have to double check that car doors get closed, that he’s actually wearing underwear, and that he stays on task to complete even the smallest task. When I was in high school, I dated a boy who had ADHD. His mom used to say “Oh that’s just Joe!” It urked me that she wasn’t expecting more of him. Of course, now as a mother myself I totally understand. My son doesn’t want to forget things. He doesn’t want to struggle with his handwriting. He doesn’t want to be the weird kid with social delays. He wants to be normal. He wants to be able to get along with others just like every other typical kid. So I created the most adaptable environment I possibly could. I made him responsible for the things he was capable of. I push him to ask questions of himself. I even put him in stressful situations on purpose so that we can talk him through making strategic decisions. But I stopped stressing about pencils and nerf darts getting lost. I stopped getting frustrated when I find every single kitchen cabinet door open after he went into the kitchen to get a glass of juice. Frustrating myself was the only result anyway. He was going to go into the kitchen 10 minutes from now for a refill and do it all over again anyways.

*We found that systems help. Planning, routines and responsibilities that must be completed or there is some kind of consequence makes life a little easier for us. Try creating a chore chart. Try figuring out what chores are best for their age level. In my case however I have to look at the age level below since he has maturity delays.

NEVER STOP! Don’t stop looking for ways to modify your daily processes. Never stop trying to create systems that work best for your special needs child. Always look at how you’re responding to the situation and how changing your response can make life easier for your child. Your response to ADHD behaviors is ultimately their understanding of who they are and is a major part of their self esteem. Guard that carefully! We tell our son ADHD is a just one part of who you are. It’s not your heart. It’s not your soul. It’s not even your whole brain. It’s a portion of obstacles that you have to develop tools to navigate through.

ADHD sucks! A lot! It’s probably the hardest thing I manage when it comes to raising my children. However, with a little Momma Bear or Papa Bear- ADHD will SO NOT Win!

#sonottogether

What ways have you helped kicked ADHD’s butt? Tell me all about them. I love meeting other parents who aren’t afraid to beat ADHD!

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