5 REASONS WHY I DON’T ENVY THE MODERN MAN 

I am a woman! Big shocker right? Since you came to my pink and glitter covered blog. Women, like me, deal everyday with the results of a male- driven world. Men get paid more. Men have more opportunity. Men are allowed to do anything they want. Men don’t carry the responsibility for raising the children. Men don’t have to look or act a certain way. Men are superior. And in many cases, these thoughts are very true. Female CEO’s will likely always struggle to have pay equal to their male counterparts. Women will always fight the fight to have the same opportunities afforded to men.

But… as I stand here today… I would never want to be a man! Here’s 5 reasons why:

HE-MAN, RYAN SEACREST, OR MARK CUBAN-

Women always feel the pressure of what media, other women, magazines, men, and society in general tell them they should look like. Somehow we believe that men don’t understand or have the same kind of pressures. But that’s not really true. Yes, we had to be Barbie but men grew up with GI Joe, Superman, Batman, and all of those WWE characters. None of these characters had wimpy muscles or beer bellies. No all of the icons of our husband’s childhood, were tough guys who could bench press a small house. They weren’t skinny or fat or ugly or nerdy. I mean no one made a Billy Nye action figure. Modern men still grew up with characters that influenced the way they feel about themselves. My tall skinny husband spent years trying to make himself have muscles. Muscles mean a man is strong. Strength for men equals value. The king of the jungle was never the nerdy skinny guy in the corner.

THE ALPHA MALE SYNDROME

Speaking of strength and muscles… the experience men have when entering  a room of other men isn’t something unknown. It goes like this. Man enters room. Man looks around at the rest of the men in the room. Man determines who in the room is the alpha male. With the help of several dear male friends, I’ve learned that in most cases the Alpha Male is determined by who in the room is the strongest in appearance. The Indian chief. He’s tall, muscular, confident, successful (or acts as such), dressed nicely, and proud. His presence is known. As women we do this type of thing… sort of… we group off into our circles and compare ourselves… and then gossip. But we don’t line ourselves up in some sort of ranking. The alpha male syndrome hints at the phrase “the nice guy finishes last”. For the guy in the room that doesn’t rise to the top, he now feels as if what he’s achieved is not enough, his chances of success are less, and his value as a male is diminished.

MEN DON’T CRY:

This isn’t a new thought. Fathers have been toughening their son’s up for years! As a matter of fact… we’re still caught in a cycle of toughness when it comes to boys. Toughen up. Be stronger. Don’t be a wimp. We push our boys to grow up to be the alpha male. Boys don’t wear pink. Boys don’t play with dolls. Boys don’t do ballet. Boys play with trucks and guns and tools and anything blue. Society has created an assumption that men are not allowed to be in touch with their feelings. They are not allowed to be emotional. There is no space for men to have feelings… because emoting makes you weak. But not women. Women can be a total hot mess… we get to throw our emotions everywhere without judgement… well aside from being called a woman! If a man is emotional he’s a sissy or a cry baby or momma’s boy. Then we wonder why men have trouble opening up in marriage and making deep and emotional love connections. Can you imagine the pressure men are under when they’re suffering? There’s no relief in tears. Men have to be the emotional strength for their wives, for their families, in every situation. This is an expectation we have placed on men. But not on women.

THE STEREOTYPICAL MAN:

The TV dad is either a complete moron, totally disconnected from his family and doing his own thing, or an overbearing monster. Try finding a balanced dad on television. Or what about the beer, bacon, truck driving man. Or what about the stupid man with a nagging wife. Or how about the stern disciplinary man who pats the kids on the head before sitting down in his easy chair asking his wife why dinner isn’t on the table? I mean… it is 5:01! What stereotype shows the laundry folding man. Or the playful Dad. Or the career dad who ALSO goes to the baseball games. Women deal with stereotypes! Big time. And media has broken the power of the woman BUT men… they deal with it in a whole different way. Stereotypes have made it impossible for men to be seen and celebrated for their non stereotypical achievements. The stay at home dad. The manny! The pro-house cleaning husband. Those things are celebrated about as much as the woman who drives a tow truck.

THE PROVIDER:

When women are looking to fall in love with a man, often one of the factors on their list of must haves, directly correlates to their ability to financially provide for them. Does he have a good job. Can he support me and our future children. I’m not saying something surprising when I say rich men get first pick of the girls. Nor am I saying something surprising when I say women are absolutely fine with dating a well to do man. Financial stability is on our mind when selecting a man. Men know that. As a matter of fact, I think men are VERY WELL AWARE of that. So much so that it consumes them. Since I have been working from home and we lost income not a single person has made a comment about how my income loss will affect my family. It was fine because my husband was going to provide for me. It’s ok that I’m staying home. Because that’s normal… but what if the shoe was on the other foot. What if the man was without work? What if he wasn’t going to be able to provide for me. This stigma creates an incredible amount of responsibility within the man. He never rests. He never stops worrying about his ability to provide. The hunter/gatherer mindset never goes away.

So, I know there’s a ton of parallels for the struggles of women. The single mother worries about being the provider, there is to a certain degree an alpha female style thing going on, there is some constraint women must show with their emotions. That is all very true… however… it’s just not the same. Men carry a whole load of responsibility and requirement for things I will never have to feel the pressure of.

I’m so glad I can be an emoting woman who doesn’t shoulder the weight of the financial stability of our family. I am blessed to cry when I’m sad or be celebrated for being a good mom. I don’t want to be a man… that sounds way too hard!

#sonottogether